He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
