I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
