if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
