They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
