ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
