he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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