i jhust puked up my retainher.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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