Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
