Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
