We're like a lot better than the average bears
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
