I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
