we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
