Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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