I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
