goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
