not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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