ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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