do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
