Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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