the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
