Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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