i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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