I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
