If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
