Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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