Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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