You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
