I wish I could teleport
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
