im drinking this country out of the recession.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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