she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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