I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
