Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
