i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
