Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
