It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
