how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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