I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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