Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This toilet bowl is my home.
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