Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
