I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
