It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
