Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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