i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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