i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
