I love black thongs
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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