I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
