mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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