This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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