Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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