I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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