I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
