I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
