We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
