I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
