I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
